


Reassurance

by riddlerhymes



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riddlerhymes/pseuds/riddlerhymes
Summary: gordon is stressed and can't sleep, benrey's trying to help. and, well, touch-starvation and pining make affection all the better
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 18
Kudos: 481





	Reassurance

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Comfort](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24103948) by [riddlerhymes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riddlerhymes/pseuds/riddlerhymes). 



> ok so this is an alternate version of my previous fic, which........... ended up much longer than intended. again i sort of half-assed the editing, sorry, but hope u enjoy!

it was too quiet, for being in a facility falling apart, ridden with violent creatures and trigger-happy military. too quiet, aside from the freeman tapping his foot faster than a fucking turbine.

the group had stopped in an emptied-out hall to rest a while, try to get some sleep before continuing the agonizing journey out of the hell black mesa had become. the rest of the science team had, in fact, fallen asleep, but gordon was too tense and worried, lost in his own head to the point that a good sleep felt like a fuckin fairytale. he'd thought everyone else was asleep at this point, failing to notice benrey was sitting up opposite from him, staring. 

"you're not asleep." it's said blankly, like everything benrey says. "why you still awake, bro?"

of course, gordon by nature was pretty upfront and had a tendency to ramble, set off by small statements. like this one.

"i'm too fuckin' stressed for this, man. i just-- i just wanna be home already, i don't want to deal with- with all this alien monster bullshit! i've been shot at and attacked and almost blown up more times than i can count at this point, i just wanna get home in one piece and know my son's okay, i just-- i just wanna be able to calm down, man, i don't know.. i'm too stressed and tense to even think about sleeping right now."

benrey moves to sit beside gordon, idly staring forward while he rambles on. he's never been great at dealing with emotions or stress or anything, especially in relation to another person. _so what would **he** want someone to do if **he** were this stressed?_

before he can think of anything else, benrey's hand is reaching up to tangle in gordon's hair. obviously startled by the sudden movement towards his head, gordon jumps and scoots back.

"what-- what are you doing? wh--" 

"chill out man, chill. i'm tryin' to uh, help you relax, bro. we're cool here." 

gordon seemed a bit hesitant to trust him, but benrey didn't move his hand until he got a response. 

"al.... right, okay i guess, uh........ if you're just trying to help......" _then go ahead_ , not said but implied. he jumped a bit when benrey's fingers threaded through his hair. they caught on a few knots, it'd been a bit since he last took care of his hair, and it had a bit of grease to cement that. benrey wondered what it would feel like, clean and brushed. _probably soft._

he idly pet gordon's hair while he expanded on that thought. _it'd be fun to play with it while cuddling or something, that would be nice._

"when was the last time you took out your ponytail, man? might help to let your hair down." yeah, might help him relax. **that's** why benrey said it.

gordon seemed to think about it for a second. "i... really don't know, must've been a while at this point...." he'd had his hair back even before this whole thing started, fell asleep like that the night before and just went to work like that. honestly, he'd forgotten his hair was still in a ponytail.

his hand reached to undo the hair tie, but benrey waved him off with his free hand. "i got it, my hand's already up there bro." 

thumb looped through the tie, he pulled it off carefully, trying not to pull any strands with it but inevitably failing, considering how unkempt gordon's hair was at the moment. the locks still creased inward where the hair tie had been, but otherwise fell free on the back of gordon's neck, barely reaching past it. 

as messy, dirty, and disorganized as it was, benrey still felt his chest tighten a bit at how striking it looked on gordon. it was fitting, with the guy being so, well, anxious and all over the place. benrey imagined it was pretty chaotic in gordon's head.

he twirls a strand or two around his finger, sort of combing his fingers through the hair that'd been pulled back. he kinda just wanted to bury his face in it. _weird_. still though, he just played with the locks until he noticed that gordon was, noticeably, less tense, with his eyes closed.

still awake, of course, but relaxing a bit. it made benrey's pulse speed up a bit to see gordon without the stress of the situation weighing on him. or, at least, _less_ of the stress. and now, getting a close look at his face, benrey could make out all the little details that made up his features.. the stubble alongside his goatee, smile lines barely hidden by the hair, the smudges from all the filth they came into contact with, just how deep and dark the bags under his eyes were.....

_oh, his eyes are open now._

"you're staring at me."

"huh?"

"you've just been sitting there, staring at me, for like five minutes."

"whuh? huh?"

benrey didn't realize it'd been that long, it only felt like a couple of seconds. before he could think of something to steer the subject from this, impulse kicked in once again.

"you're just pretty, man." _that's going to stress him out again. bad call._

_oh what's he doing. why's he moving his arm what's he--_

his thoughts fall silent when gordon ever-so-delicately reaches up, grabs his hand, and moves it so it's rested on his cheek, right along his jaw.

"you.... think so?" his tone was unsure, benrey could tell gordon was trying not to listen to his anxiety and, well.... listen to _him_ instead.

all benrey could manage was a quick nod, he was caught off-guard and wasn't sure he could formulate the right words in a _moment_ like this, with a _guy_ like this, in _this_ situation. he let his thumb stroke the stubble beneath it, feeling some of the grime from the facility rub off on his thumb. gordon hadn't let go of his hand.

"yeah man, i uh. i think your hair's nice. so are your, uh...." benrey's train of thought left him when he looked to gordon's eyes again. his gaze was much softer than it had been since, well, the whole time he'd known the guy. captivating, too. benrey found his thoughts both empty and in disarray, unable to form a full thought with how fast the base concepts flashed by in his head, each one about gordon in some way.

the hand holding benrey's moved so his hand was away from gordon's face, taking a hold of it and squeezing lightly. "when.... we get out of here, what are we gonna do? we don't know what's going on outside, what if it's worse than in here?"

benrey had to think for a minute before he could respond, his throat was a little tight. he looked down at their hands, stroking the back of gordon's with his thumb. 

"i don't know, man. probably go home, see what's up, or something like that." he really didn't know, he wasn't one for thinking ahead of things. more of a here-and-now kinda guy, and he was most definitely caught up on what was happening right here, right now. "maybe.. stick together, as a group, if stuff is...... like this." 

that answer seemed to satisfy gordon. he'd nodded and followed benrey's gaze to their hands, brow furrowed a bit in thought. 

"yeah.... that sounds like a plan." there was a pause, gordon's tone faltering a bit, "i, really don't want to be alone again."

"you won't be, man, you got us." _you got me_ , is what he meant, but 'us' was the safer word to use. 

gordon probably knew that, though, it came across that way in the look he gave benrey, eyes seeming to scan over his features. what for, benrey didn't know, but he could dream it was something.... _nice._

"promise?"

"pinky swear, dude." 

it was quiet for a moment, a slightly off but mostly comfortable silence. benrey wasn't paying too much attention, and didn't notice gordon leaning closer, moving his free hand so it laid along benrey's jaw and neck. he felt himself jump a bit, looking back to gordon. hopefully he couldn't feel his racing pulse. _this is a lot. this is too much bro._

before he could even formulate a thought, gordon was so close, he was really close, so close he could feel his breath. it was like the moment was moving too fast, and dragging on all at once. it was a little nerve-wracking, really. 

and finally, after the seconds crawled by slowly, gordon's lips were on his. it was tentative, experimental even, but soft nonetheless. he let gordon test the waters before he himself did anything. unfortunately, though, as soon as it'd started the kiss was broken.

"sorry, sorry i should've-- i should've asked before doing that, huh? sorry man--" not letting gordon take the moment to get in his own head and scare himself out of it, benrey closed the space between them again and planted his lips on gordon's.

this time it was longer, drawn out, a lot more..... loving, than experimental. benrey squeezed gordon's hand a bit, leaning into the hand holding his face. _god, this is so fucking..... soft... and nice. what the hell._

and again, unfortunately, the kiss was interrupted. this time by the need for air, rather than anxieties. benrey couldn't help but look, seeing gordon looking up at him through those fucking lashes. god. that probably could've killed benrey right there, if he could die.

as much as he wanted to just keep kissing gordon, the dark circles behind those glasses were a more pressing matter. they could probably pick this up again at a later time.

he _really_ hoped they could do this again.

"you should try to sleep, man." benrey leaned back against the wall, repositioning himself a little. "here, lay here."

he gestured for gordon to lean on him, arms open. gordon let out a small breath of a laugh, but still made himself comfortable using benrey as a cushion. they ended up with gordon laying his head in the crook of benrey's neck, with benrey's arm around him, hand once again playing with his hair. _'i was right,'_ went through his head as he twirled a strand of hair around his finger. it was, actually, pretty comforting... just laying together, being held, gordon seemed like he might've already fallen asleep. 

at least now, benrey could soak in **exactly** what just happened.


End file.
